Blogging & Yapping!

Feb 27, 2026

I'm So Fucking Normal About Ultrakill

Good morning!

I've been playing Ultrakill again quite a bit recently in light of Fraud's release. I haven't touched the game since I played so much of it in high school that I got carpal tunnel when the Violence layer first came out (and my grades suffered because the game was all I could think about), so, it's nice to finally be able to embrace it after so long.
That being said, I am — unfortunately — very rusty. It's not horrible, but it's horrible to me!! I feel like a failure! My >230 hours amounted to nothing! At least relearning how to play is always fun, right?

So, I beat Fraud on the Violent difficulty first because I wanted to see the new layer before I got spoiled. I'm currently working on a full P-rank on Brutal (and I'm terrified of trying to beat Fraud on Brutal), but Violence and Fraud worry me due to the hell they reign on my little ThinkPad. So many particles, so many things going on all at once… I'm still traumatized from the time the only way I could beat 7-4 was by cranking down all of the graphical settings and enabling Major Assists on my old computer. Eugh… However, this humble ThinkPad isn't constrained by 4 GB RAM and tolerates slightly more processing power, so I have hope!
It does still lag in some of the later parts of Godfist Suicide though. Hmm…

Heads up: past this point lies spoilers for Ultrakill's Fraud (plus Encore). You've been warned.

If you were curious, Fraud is as confusing and surprising as it is fun. Also, it's scary as shit in a few moments (the tense moments of silence leading up to the Mirror Reaper's appearance genuinely frightened me!), but maybe that's just because I get jumpscared easily…? I'm not sure! Either way, I love it!

The enemies are painful — it feels like there's a pair of Gutterman flanked by five Guttertanks along with three surprise Providences behind each corner — along with plentiful!
The newer enemies are also really unique; I adore Hakita's take on the celestial realms so, so, so much. The Powers were awfully difficult to fight and I was getting flashbacks to the very first time I fought Gabriel in… when was that? 2021? 2022? 2023? Oh, how time flies. Regardless, I'm so scared to try besting them on Brutal, mostly due to my aforementioned rustiness. I got so damn frustrated trying to beat the Powers when I was fighting them at like, 2 AM, heheheh.

Geryon in 8-4 was also a serious bitch to fight.
I kept forgetting I couldn't slide or jump around the arena and — somehow — always managed to fumble where and when to shoot. I also didn't know how to heal myself via Providence cores until I looked it up like, a minute ago. Now, I feel like a dumbass, since I already P-ranked Geryon on Violent without interacting with the cores at all, but it'll come in handy for the Brutal P-rank, I'm sure!

Anyway, the aesthetics are so fucking cool in Fraud. Teenage me would've been gobsmacked, let me tell you.
Twisty, windy, all-around a confusing mess, but it also makes perfect sense and I love the execution of it, especially since it grants a peek into some HUMANITY LORE. FUCK YEAH. The music, as always, is also confusing and weird as hell, but also really nice at fits the levels at the same time by some musical wizardry that can't be articulated by a lowly non-composer.
Also, the first time I saw that seemingly never-ending tunnel in 8-1 was exhilarating, even though my restart count was off the charts in that level. It felt like I was dying, literally. Maybe that's just a weird thing of mine concerning liminality and anything that even remotely resembles suburbia, but I wish I could just… eat that level specifically. That, and the God statue area. Man, I wish I could articulate my thoughts better because wow. I did not fucking expect that at all. Hakita always manages to bring the unexpected into Ultrakill and that's partially why I love it so much, haha.

Oh, yeah, Encores and graphical updates. Those were also sick to play through (even though I didn't finish the Encores because I was sleepy).
I'm currently still blasting my way through Infinite Hyperdeath on Brutal (V2 IS SO DIFFICULT AUGH) and the sheer visual difference between the early 2020s and now still stuns me, even as I write this. Like, the very first Demo I got on Itch.io forever ago really pales in comparison; it made me want to rub my eyes and pinch myself to double-check I was still playing the right game.
It's so nice to see that Hakita and his team are getting so much support to be able to put so much love and care into Ultrakill! I'm so excited to see what the layers in the middle look like after these updates!!

Same with the Encores; they feel like entirely new levels with entirely new Pride flag looking ass Radiant threats. There's only two that are currently available at the time of writing, I'm pretty sure, but — god — do they leave me begging and wanting for more.

Ahem… this is nine-hundred words long already, so let me cap this here.

I love Ultrakill, clearly. It's my second favorite video game of all time right after Undertale, and it's held its silver medal spot for a solid four or five years now. I'm so hyped for Treachery and the game's conclusion! I hope it'll be able to hold its wall-of-fame spot until I hit the grave!!

Buh-bye!

Feb 23, 2026

The Bitching and Moaning of an Engineer

Good morning!

My introductory electrical engineering (EE) class is talking about switches and relays and I feel like a nerd for recognizing those terms from a Technology Connections video on YouTube talking about Williams' 1970s Aztec pinball machine in depth. But also like that one guy pointing GIF when I first heard the instructor spit the word "relay" out of his mouth LMFAO.

Speaking of said course, damn near every single EE concept flies right over my head! It's awful!
Granted, I suppose I should be studying for the class, especially since it's my major, but I'm always so goddamn tired after every day, that I can't really muster up the energy for much. EE, being new and complicated to me, is practically off the table. I start classes butt-early in the morning and end at sundown; I am NOT doing all that. I don't even technically have free days due to working when I'm not in class. Fuck me, man.
I do find EE as a subject interesting, so that's a plus, I suppose. That means I can study while deriving some deranged sense of enjoyment from it. Fun!

I'm just more worried than anything. Most of my classes are fine-ish, since my university is fucking evil and decided to toss me into courses I already took and passed in high school when I decided taking 9 APs was a fantastic idea. That, or I can infer and guess. At least I'm actually learning from some of these retakes; my high school versions of these classes were fucking abysmal.
Engineering, however, is such a different beast. You have to actually be smart for engineering and — save my soul — I am not smart, believe me. Math in particular has never been my strong suit to the point where I'd actually consider myself to be slow. My K-12 teachers and classmates sure did, anyway.

I like to think that algebraic math has gotten a little bit easier as I've gotten older due to heavy exposure to the subject, but I still can't help but fret and shit myself. I know my university instructors are — for the most part — kinder than most of my K-12 teachers (especially high school), but the fear of being perceived as stupid by my instructor and classmates still has a vice grip on me. Does that make sense? Like, I have to force myself to exhaust every option and be at my wits end before even thinking of asking for help for this very reason.
Every other subject is fine. I wouldn't say I'm proficient at anything (except maybe reading and writing argumentative essays?) because that feels like I'm bragging, but math has always been a sore spot, and EE has so, so much math. EE sounds so interesting to me and I'd love to learn more about it and the nuances of electrical machines, but I'm genuinely too fucking stupid. Funny how that works.

Mostly, I'm aiming to understand EE so that I can apply it to old video game/computer hardware (and to make a profit, I hope).
I've been interested in the history/technical software of video games since I was a tween (thanks to Ernest Cline's Ready Player One, funnily enough) more than the actual games themselves with some palpible interest in the hardware they're housed in. This mostly applies to arcade machines, but the PS1 and early computer games capture my eye, too. Electrical engineering seemed to fit the bill and be open to a broader spectrum of machines than just computers. Because money. I just hope I'm not too stupid to hold up my own weight.

Anyway, this is a discordant mess, and I should probably study instead of blog. Buh-bye.