Wade Wilson

Wade Wilson's reputation precedes him. Hushed rumors about the witty man in a red suit who maims people with complete and utter joy circulate school grounds and workplaces like wildfire.
The superpowered scene's bloodthirsty and eccentric pain in the ass. A lost cause who's barely tolerated at best by the most questionable of questionable individuals. Even mentioning the despicable Deadpool results in scowls and snarls from those within earshot.

Nouvelle-Yorke is well acquainted with the so-called Merc with a Mouth due to his endless jabbering and trail of unbridled (and needless) destruction. He's given anyone even remotely involved in supers financial, figurative, and literal headaches, along with the general population, at this point.

Wade's doing his best to change for the better; to be a hero or whatever. The one thing he's good at brings agony and despair for everyone involved or not involved, including himself, and shatters his bloody rose-tinted glasses into pieces. But oh, Stars, it's so much harder than people make it seem. History's a broken record, c'mon!
There's always a hitch, a catch, an exception, a bad spot. Something that causes Wade to just snap like muscles pulled too taut. A bad day? Mental regression or his repressed mental issues? An outburst? Scum wandering the streets as if they have rights to live? A resurfaced memory? Someone special being hurt? Whatever the circumstance, if there is one, something within Wade always craves to paint the town red. How did Webs uphold this moral crap?

The people in Wade's life always manage to get hurt whenever he's around. He craves companionship above all else at the moment; support's good for change, right?
It's getting increasingly more difficult to ignore Blind Al and Bob (Agent of HYDRA)'s boundless loathing. Weasel knows to stay in his place and Agent Preston barely tolerates him. Nate's swimming with the fishes (which isn't Wade's fault, he promises). He's desperate for Web-Surfer, the current closest thing to a friend, to stick around, pun intended...
Because the only thing that changes are his kill count and the insults his voices come up with when there's no warm body to hold.

Biography

Wade Winston Wilson was born in Saskatchewan, Canada to... uh...
...He can't quite remember.

Wade's brain is infamously scrambled. He can never remember his early life (or anything at all)! Dying again, and again, and again, viscerally feeling every fucking nerve ending that fired when people would enjoy the bliss of death or unconsciousness, everything about his fractured life. He supposes those all would fuck up his memory.
An abusive and neglective father here and a distraught mother seeking for escapism there. Lonely high school dances in shitty dresses and combat boots, military recruiters, Golden Girls binging sessions, and maybe a dog thrown into the mix? Who gives a shit, eh?
Hmm... He supposes it would explain his gushy soft spot for mutts.

Whatever. Who cares?

Wade dropped out of high school as his last year was ending, joined the Canadian Army, and graduated to the Canadian Special Operations Forces Command, only to get dishonorably discharged. (It's not his fault that violence was fun!) However, his combat expertise was nothing to scoff at. After some shitty cupcakes and a failed suicide attempt on his nineteenth birthday, he was contacted by a surreptitious group of government sponsored mercenaries located in the United Republic. Wade skedaddled out of Canada and found himself in La Pomme Grosse; Ville-de-Nouvelle-Yorke. A bustling city of hopes and dreams with too many blues and pinks that had a gift for him.

Surprise! Cancer!
Of course, right after everything started looking up for a change... or as up as Wade could get without getting high or something. You'd think a cure for cancer would be developed by now, right? Nah. Sons of bitches. (Damn perpetual history books.) He denied any and all treatments, left his girlfriend, Vanessa Carlyse, and resolved be a walking cancer tumor for the rest of his days.
Shit biscuits! He missed Nessie.

Another government sponsored project back in Canada called the Weapon X Program hit him up and told him that they actually had a cure! Sketchy ass name aside, these were the people his pal Logan went to forever ago! Badda-bing, badda-boom. The cancer problem should be solved, right?
Sort of. Little old Wade got the treatment to any and all afflictions known to man. He lost the ability to stay dead and became effectively immortal. A guy who could heal from any and all wounds on his scarred skin... except for the cancer he wanted gone in the first place.
Frances "Ajax" Franny, that sadistic shitstain who named himself after a cleaning agent of all things fucking lied to him. Wade was subjected to torture layered on more torture because Ajax wanted to trigger a mutation for his own twisted satisfaction and to get a knockoff Super Soldier. Of course, this special treatment knocked some of Wade's screws loose along with giving him his heavily disfigured skin. Both of these made Weapon X consider him to be a defect.

Wade doesn't want to delve too deep into Weapon X. Wine and dine him first, por favor.

Let's see... Wade burned that Stars-forsaken program to the ground after he escaped, killed Ajax a hundred times over, briefly dated Nathan Summers (before he died, of course), kidnapped 'borrowed' an old blind fart he was meant to kill but fucked that up by killing literally everyone else, 'befriended' a rather spiteful bartender along with a HYDRA and SHIELD agent, briefly worked under the likes of Willis Fisk and Lonnie Lincoln, and carried out mistake, after mistake, after mistake ad infinitum.

He's not sure what he wants out of all of this.
He's trying to deal with his life that's just more and more globs of shit hitting a beat-up fan one second at a time (even if the passing seconds feel like individual eternities), but just existing is fucking unbearable even without the constant pain and additional voices in his head.
He supposes an actual friend would be nice.

Disposition

Wade hasn't met a person before or after Weapon X that's considered forcing the merc into a straitjacket or offing him for good. He's so lovable, isn't he?

Demented, unhinged, bloodthirsty, overly violent, trigger happy, flippant, and jocular, are all lovingly handpicked adjectives from his friends and foes!
He's a bit sardonic at times. Bitchy and stubborn, if you will. Domino and the X-Men could vouch for that. Overly dramatic and just as expressive as much as he swipes his emotions under the rug.

Wade and Deadpool are practically the same guy, minus the egregious pizza face. He can be everything and nothing at all! Imposing, goofy, lethal, bubbly, numb, fluffy... Wade's a softie beneath under all of the kevlar, dammit!
He tries not to get to gushy or emotional over things. But there are some things that just make him tick like a fucking time bomb. Haha! He only kills bad guys, after all!

Relationships

Virgil Voltspun - ★★★★★

Relationship: Bromantically complicated.

Wade wants to befriend the spider (Baby Boy!!), but something within him is so stars-damned unwilling. Trauma bullshit, maybe. Some bundled up ball that's unable to show affection beyond violence, jokes, and hugs.
Wade hasn't threatened, attacked, tortured, and killed people over attempts to assassinate Web-Surfer. No. Of course not. Additionally, he also doesn't cling onto Webs like a neglected puppy and get upset whenever he's not around (at least that one's mutual). His incessant flirting and annoyances (stalking and starting crimes when left alone for too long) are just because he's like that. He's a looney, after all!

Deadpool is not bonding with Web-Surfer. It's all for publicity. Please also ignore the fact that his guns have rubber bullets and his katanas skirt past major organs and veins. The merc told the vigilante he's trying to change.

He does feel a bit better having Webs trapped in a bone-crushing hug, near him in general, or doing anything side by side. Leave them both alone.

Nathan Summers - ★★★★★

Relationship: Bodyslide by two

NATHAAAAN!!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT WIRE MAN!! WHERE'D YOU GO??

Please excuse him. Give him some space. The death of the guy with an unholy savior complex wasn't too long ago, y'know.

Jack "Weasel" Hammer - ★★★☆☆

Relationship: Stay in line, arms-dealer-friend-thing

Weasel is... well, a weasel. Figuratively, he means.

He's Wade's arms dealer and main soruce of income. A friend of Wade's, if you will.
Ah, no. Abso-fuckin'-lutely not. That jackass has tried to permanently put him out of commission so many times, it could rival his kill count.
Ha! He's kidding. But he's fairly certain that good and happy friends don't insult and try to kill each other as much as Weasel and Wade do. Piece of shit reminds Wade that they look like regurgitated cheesecake on the daily as if they don't know that already.

Everyone in Sainte-Marguerite's School for Wayward Children knows to stay out of Deadpool's way. They just need a little reminder sometimes and Deadpool's more than giddy to give it. Wade and Weasel can give the illusion of friends, if you ignore a few whispered threats and the gleaming barrel of a gun, the rodent's nice and compliant.

...Maybe Bob was right about the whole 'bad friend' thing? Either way, he needed Weasel.

Attributes

Abilities

• Healing factor
HA! Wade's infamous healing factor! He's like a cockroach, see? He never stays dead, despite how much he wants to. Too bad he feels every bit of it, except when he's truly a fuckin' goner in his brain.
• Enhanced strength, agility, reflexes, speed, stamina, hearing, sight, equilibrium, and durability
• Increased metabolism and appetite
• Fourth wall breaking
This isn't the comics, folks. Sorry. The fourth wall's broken purely because Wade's brain is broken.
• Chemical, drug, poison, disease, and alcohol resistance
Wade genuinely has better luck getting drunk on tranquilizers. Say gracias to the healing factor for that.
• Telepathic immunity
Nothing gets in and nothing gets out of Wade's brain when he's not in his right mind. Wade's mind has been described as "confusing" by telepaths, primarily Cable.
• Constant pain
Remember how Francis didn't exactly cure Wade's cancer? Yeah... So, Wade has eternal super cancer his body can't get rid of because his cancer also regenerates. His body is always healing and killing itself, giving him a constant 'hum' of pain and shifting molten-like scars.

Equipment

• Bea and Arthur
His beloved twin katanas!!
• An abhorrent amount of weapons
He has a lot of weapons! He's an arms dealer, after all. He mostly carries pistols and knives on his person at all times.
• Pouches
It's better not to ask what's in them or how everything fits.
• Teleporter belt
A genuine teleporter belt that he totally didn't steal from Cable! This isn't those fake ass port holes that just incinerate and clone you either. Technology is amazing! Bamf, bamf, bamf!
• Miscellaneous equipment
Let's see here... binoculars, suction cup thingies, grappling hook, little book of grudges, SHIELD trinkets...

Notes

• Deadpool's hands and the bottoms of his boots have paws on them.
• Deadpool has circular eyebrows on his suit (you'll get it once I actually draw a picture of E256B Deadpool's suit).
• Wade's katanas, Bea and Arthur, have serrated blades near their hilts.
• Wade is buff as shit. This is not MCU twunk ass Ryan Reynolds Deadpool, okay? He's 6'4" here and is comic-level buff.
• He's an emotive and expressive fellow! Big poses and faces, baby!

Trivia

• E256B Wade Wilson is more of a mix of 616, Deadpool: Paws, and average Ao3 Spideypool fan-fiction Wade as opposed to MCU Wade, which means that the Boxes ([White] & {Yellow}) are here, too! Yellow is not the result of Madcap being fused into him. They're just byproducts of his shitty mental state.
• Wade's speech bubbles are yellow. They've always been yellow in Marvel licensed media to represent a vague distinction with Wade's voice compared to other characters. Wade's voice is sometimes described as having a 'gravelly, Demi Moore', gasoline-like, or rumbly qualities. These still apply. Earth-256B Wade's voice is distinct due to his mangled vocal cords, making his voice strained, rough, and gravelly.
• He does NOT stalk (and maybe kidnap) those he loves or wants to befriend! The allegations are false!! Don't ask Blind Al for her input, bee tee dubs.
• Wade's body is extremely warm all of the time, regardless of outside temperature, due to his healing factor working 25/8. He's a large walking furnace.
• Wade's pain tolerance levels varies on his mental state. A better mental state (having genuine friends, being healthy, etc.) results in a lower pain tolerance and vice versa. Wade can endure even the worst of physical and mental traumas with glee if he's dissociated and shitty enough. This is why he's been able to do his line of work for so long!
• The visibility of his pupils also depend on his mental state. More visiblity means a happier 'Pool!
• It's speculated among civilians that Web-Surfer and Deadpool are romantically involved or at least really good friends. Deadpool leans into this to boost publicity and Web-Surfer vehemently denies it.
• Deadpool forces Web-Surfer to dress up in My Little Pony hoodies with him, mostly in their suits for publicity. Deadpool is Pinkie Pie and Web-Surfer is Twilight Sparkle.
• Wade's a scarily good merc, he's possibly the best there is at what he does. It often surprises people with how precise he is with his work... when he's not being insane or annoying.

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