Wade Wilson

Wade Wilson's reputation precedes him. Hushed rumors about the shish-kebab-ing lunatic merc in a red suit circulate school grounds, workspaces, and even social media like wildfire.
The superpowered scene's bloodthirsty and eccentric pain in the ass. A lost cause who's barely tolerated at best by the most questionable of questionable individuals. Even mentioning the despicable Deadpool results in scowls and snarls from those within earshot. He gives people financial, figurative, and literal headaches with ease… including himself.

Wade was tired.

History's a broken record, 'nuff said. Trying to crawl out from the fucking filthy cycle that was the life of Wade Wilson was always fruitless. The number of people who have left him for the maggots, and vice versa, because they kept getting hurt by him, made him sicker than his own reflection.

Something always happens that just makes the man snap like muscles pulled too taut -- and all of a sudden, the familiar iron stench of blood wafts into his nose and Weasel's cowering before him and there's the shing of his katanas cutting through flesh and there's some irrational ass decision that'll fuck him over later and the BANG of a gun and everything goes dark before waking up and holing up in some safe house for fuck-knows-how-long and everything hurts over and over and over and over and over and over–

He would never be able to pull off the 'good person' shtick, that was obvious.

...So what in fucking seashells was with that little bunch of childlike hope that refused to go away?

Biography

Wade Winston Wilson was born in Saskatchewan, Canada to... uh…
...He can't quite remember. It all gets fuzzy after you've died a million billion times, y'know? Not to mention the healing factor, trauma, and mental instability (among others) all fucking with his memories and sense of self.

Whatever, whatever, whatever. Who cares?

There was (probably) an abusive and neglectful father here and a distraught mother seeking escapism there. Lonely high school dances in shitty dresses and combat boots, military recruiters, Golden Girls binging sessions, and maybe a dog in the mix somewhere?

Hmm... He supposes it would explain his gushy soft spot for mutts.

Wade dropped out of high school, joined the Canadian Army, and got into the Canadian Special Operations Forces Command, only to get dishonorably discharged. (It's not his fault that violence was fun!)
However, his combat expertise was nothing to scoff at. So, obviously, he became a merc!

Oh, shit! Surprise attack! Incurable cancer!
Of course, right after everything started looking up for a change... or as up as Wade could get without getting high or something. You'd think a cure for cancer would be developed by now, right? Nah. Sons of bitches. (Damn perpetual history books.) He denied any and all treatments, left his girlfriend, Vanessa Carlyse, and resolved to just die.
Look at him now. He's long outlived 'Nessie.

Another government-sponsored project back in Canada, called the Weapon X Program, hit him up and told him that they had a cure! Sketchy ass name aside, these were the people his pal Logan went to! Badda-bing, badda-boom. The cancer problem should be solved, right?
...Sort of. Little old Wade got the treatment for all afflictions known to man. He lost the ability to stay dead and became effectively immortal-ish. A guy who could heal from any and all wounds... except for the cancer he wanted gone in the first place.

Frances "Ajax" Franny, that sadistic shitstain who named himself after a cleaning agent of all things fucking lied to him. Wade was subjected to torture layered on more torture because Ajax wanted to trigger a mutation for his own twisted satisfaction and to get a knockoff Super Soldier.
Of course, this special treatment knocked some of Wade's screws loose along with giving him his heavily disfigured skin. Fun!

...Wade doesn't want to delve too deep into Weapon X. Wine and dine him first, por favor.

Let's see... Wade burned that stars-forsaken program to the ground after he escaped, killed Ajax a hundred times over, hung around Nathan Summers before and after his death, became the best there is at what he does, and carried out mistake, after mistake, after mistake, ad infinitum. It's really like clockwork, y'know.

Oh, he wishes he could still get drunk so that he doesn't have to think about any of this… or anything at all.
Fortunately, he has a gun.

Relationships

Virgil Voltspun - ★★★★★

Relationship: Bromantically complicated.

Wade wants to befriend the spider (Baby Boy!!), but something within him is so stars-damned unwilling. Trauma bullshit, maybe. Some bundled up ball that's unable to show affection beyond violence, jokes, and hugs.
Wade hasn't threatened, attacked, tortured, and killed people over attempts to assassinate Web-Surfer. No. Of course not. Additionally, he also doesn't cling onto Webs like a neglected puppy and get upset whenever he's not around (at least that one's mutual). His incessant flirting and annoyances (stalking and starting crimes when left alone for too long) are just because he's like that. He's a looney, after all!

Deadpool is not bonding with Web-Surfer. It's all for publicity. Please also ignore the fact that his guns have rubber bullets and his katanas skirt past major organs and veins. The merc told the vigilante he's trying to change.

He does feel a bit better having Webs trapped in a bone-crushing hug, near him in general, or doing anything side by side. Leave them both alone.

Nathan Summers - ★★★★★

Relationship: Bodyslide by two

NATHAAAAN!!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT WIRE MAN!! WHERE'D YOU GO??

Please excuse him. Give him some space. The death of the guy with an unholy savior complex wasn't too long ago, y'know.

Jack "Weasel" Hammer - ★★★☆☆

Relationship: Stay in line, arms-dealer-friend-thing

Weasel is... well, a weasel. Figuratively, he means.

He's Wade's arms dealer and main soruce of income. A friend of Wade's, if you will.
Ah, no. Abso-fuckin'-lutely not. That jackass has tried to permanently put him out of commission so many times, it could rival his kill count.
Ha! He's kidding. But he's fairly certain that good and happy friends don't insult and try to kill each other as much as Weasel and Wade do. Piece of shit reminds Wade that they look like regurgitated cheesecake on the daily as if they don't know that already.

Everyone in Sainte-Marguerite's School for Wayward Children knows to stay out of Deadpool's way. They just need a little reminder sometimes and Deadpool's more than giddy to give it. Wade and Weasel can give the illusion of friends, if you ignore a few whispered threats and the gleaming barrel of a gun, the rodent's nice and compliant.

...Maybe Bob was right about the whole 'bad friend' thing? Either way, he needed Weasel.

Attributes

Abilities

• Healing factor
HA! Wade's infamous healing factor! He's like a cockroach, see? He never stays dead, despite how much he wants to. Too bad he feels every bit of it, except when he's truly a fuckin' goner in his brain.
• Enhanced strength, agility, reflexes, speed, stamina, hearing, sight, equilibrium, and durability
• Increased metabolism and appetite
• Fourth wall breaking
This isn't the comics, folks. Sorry. The fourth wall's broken purely because Wade's brain is broken.
• Chemical, drug, poison, disease, and alcohol resistance
Wade genuinely has better luck getting drunk on tranquilizers. Say gracias to the healing factor for that.
• Telepathic immunity
Nothing gets in and nothing gets out of Wade's brain when he's not in his right mind. Wade's mind has been described as "confusing" by telepaths, primarily Cable.
• Constant pain
Remember how Francis didn't exactly cure Wade's cancer? Yeah... So, Wade has eternal super cancer his body can't get rid of because his cancer also regenerates. His body is always healing and killing itself, giving him a constant 'hum' of pain and shifting molten-like scars.

Equipment

• Bea and Arthur
His beloved twin katanas!!
• An abhorrent amount of weapons
He has a lot of weapons! He's an arms dealer, after all. He mostly carries pistols and knives on his person at all times.
• Pouches
It's better not to ask what's in them or how everything fits.
• Teleporter belt
A genuine teleporter belt that he totally didn't steal from Cable! This isn't those fake ass Port Holes that just incinerate and clone you either. Technology is amazing! Bamf, bamf, bamf!
• Miscellaneous equipment
Let's see here... binoculars, suction cup thingies, grappling hook, little book of grudges, SHIELD trinkets...

Notes

• Deadpool's hands and the bottoms of his boots have paws on them.
• Deadpool has circular eyebrows on his suit (you'll get it once I actually draw a picture of E256B Deadpool's suit).
• Wade's katanas, Bea and Arthur, have serrated blades near their hilts.
• Wade is buff as shit. This is not MCU twunk ass Ryan Reynolds Deadpool, okay? He's 6'4" here and is comic-level buff.
• He's an emotive and expressive fellow! Big poses and faces, baby!

Trivia

• E256B Wade Wilson is more of a mix of 616, Deadpool: Paws, and average Ao3 Spideypool fan-fiction Wade as opposed to MCU Wade, which means that the Boxes ([White] & {Yellow}) are here, too! Yellow is not the result of Madcap being fused into him. They're just byproducts of his shitty mental state.
• Wade's speech bubbles are yellow. They've always been yellow in Marvel licensed media to represent a vague distinction with Wade's voice compared to other characters. Wade's voice is sometimes described as having a 'gravelly, Demi Moore', gasoline-like, or rumbly qualities. These still apply. Earth-256B Wade's voice is distinct due to his mangled vocal cords, making his voice strained, rough, and gravelly.
• He does NOT stalk (and maybe kidnap) those he loves or wants to befriend! The allegations are false!! Don't ask Blind Al for her input, bee tee dubs.
• Wade's body is extremely warm all of the time, regardless of outside temperature, due to his healing factor working 25/8. He's a large walking furnace.
• Wade's pain tolerance levels varies on his mental state. A better mental state (having genuine friends, being healthy, etc.) results in a lower pain tolerance and vice versa. Wade can endure even the worst of physical and mental traumas with glee if he's dissociated and shitty enough. This is why he's been able to do his line of work for so long!
• The visibility of his pupils also depend on his mental state. More visiblity means a happier 'Pool!
• It's speculated among civilians that Web-Surfer and Deadpool are romantically involved or at least really good friends. Deadpool leans into this to boost publicity and Web-Surfer vehemently denies it.
• Deadpool forces Web-Surfer to dress up in My Little Pony hoodies with him, mostly in their suits for publicity. Deadpool is Pinkie Pie and Web-Surfer is Twilight Sparkle.
• Wade's a scarily good merc, he's possibly the best there is at what he does. It often surprises people with how precise he is with his work... when he's not being insane or annoying.

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