Wade Wilson

Wade Wilson's an obsessive comedian wannabe, an murderous moron, an antagonistic nuisance from a budget horror movie, a lugnut, a heavily traumatized lab rat, and a fucking lunatic. Above all, he's a lost cause who's barely tolerated at best by the most questionable of questionable individuals. Even mentioning the name Deadpool results in scowls and snarling from those within earshot.

The superpowered scene is well acquainted with the so-called Merc with a Mouth due to his endless jabbering and trail of unbridled (and needless) destruction. He's given SHIELD and the Avengers financial, figurative, and literal headaches, along with any civilian or superpowered individual he terrorizes (or kidnaps). It's gotten to the point where both SHIELD and Tony Stark pay people to keep him occupied, mainly Web-Surfer, much to its chagrin.

Wade's doing his best to change for the better; to be a hero or whatever. The one thing he's good at brings agony and despair for everyone around Wade, including himself, and shatters his bloody rose-tinted glasses into pieces. But oh, Stars, it's so much harder than people make it seem.
There's always a hitch, a catch, an exception, a bad spot. Something that causes Wade to just snap like muscles pulled too taut. A bad day? Mental regression or his repressed mental issues? An outburst? A resurfaced memory? A loved one-- Someone special being hurt? Whatever the circumstance, if there is one, something within Wade always craves to paint the town red. How did Webs uphold this moral crap?

The people in Wade's life always manage to get hurt whenever he's around. He craves companionship above all else, it's getting increasingly more difficult to ignore Al and Weasel's boundless loathing, and Nate's swimming with the fishes. He's desperate for Web-Surfer, the current closest thing to a friend, to stick around, pun intended.

Biography

Wade Winston Wilson was born in Saskatchewan, Canada to... uh...
...He can't quite remember.

Wade's brain is infamously scrambled. An abusive and neglective father here and a distraught mother seeking for escapism there. Lonely high school dances in shitty dresses and combat boots, military recruiters, Golden Girls binging sessions, and maybe a dog thrown into the mix? Who gives a shit, eh?
Hmm... He supposes it would explain his gushy soft spot for mutts.

Whatever. Who cares?

Wade dropped out of high school and joined the Canadian Army Special Forces, and promptly got kicked out with a dishonorable discharge. However, his combat expertise was nothing to scoff at. After some shitty birthday cupcakes and a failed suicide attempt on his nineteenth birthday, he was contacted by a surreptitious ("What a weird word!" --DP) group of government sponsored mercenaries located in the United Republic. Wade skedaddled out of Canada and found himself in La Pomme Grosse; Ville de Nouvelle Yorke. A bustling city of hopes and dreams with too many blues and pinks that had a gift for him.

Surprise! Cancer!
Of course, right after everything started looking up for a change. You'd think a cure for cancer would be developed by now, right? Nah. Sons of bitches. He denied any and all treatments to not be a walking cancer tumor for the rest of his days.

Another government sponsored project called the Weapon X Program hit him up and told him that they actually had a cure! Sketchy ass name aside, these were the people who gave Wolverine his famous healing factor! Badda-bing, badda-boom. The cancer problem should be resolved, right?
Sort of. Little old Wade got the treatment to any and all afflictions known to man. He lost the ability to die and became effectively immortal. A guy who could heal from damn near any wound... except for the cancer.
Ajax (Francis Franny), that sadistic shitstain who named himself after a cleaning agent of all things fucking lied to him. Wade was subjected to torture layered on more torture because Ajax wanted to trigger a mutation and for his own satisfaction. Of course, this special treatment knocked some of Wade's screws loose.

Wade doesn't want to delve too deep into Weapon X. Wine and dine him first, por favor.

Let's see... Wade burned that Stars-forsaken program to the ground after he escaped, killed Ajax a hundred times over, briefly dated Nathan Summers (before he died, of course), kidnapped 'borrowed' an old blind fart he was meant to kill but fucked that up by killing literally everyone else, 'befriended' a rather spiteful bartender along with a Hydra and SHIELD agent, briefly worked under the likes of Willis Fisk and Lonnie Lincoln, and carried out mistake, after mistake, after mistake ad infinitum.

He's not sure what he wants out of all of this.
He's trying to deal with his life that's just more and more globs of shit hitting a beat-up fan one second at a time (even if the passing seconds feel like individual eternities), but just existing is fucking unbearable even without the constant pain and additional voices in his head.
He supposes an actual friend would be nice.

Personality

Text is supposed to be here, but isn't. I'll add it later.

Relationships

Virgil Voltspun - ★★★★★

Relationship: Bromantically complicated.

He'd rather eat his own flesh than admit he cares for that bug (in his own violent ways).
Wade hasn't threatened, attacked, tortured, and killed people over attempts to assassinate Web-Surfer. No. Of course not. Additionally, he also doesn't cling onto Webs like a neglected puppy and get upset whenever he's not around (at least that one's mutual). His incessant flirting and annoyances are just because he's like that. He's a looney, after all!

Deadpool is not bonding with Web-Surfer. It's all for publicity. Please also ignore the fact that his guns have rubber bullets and his katanas avoid major organs and veins.

He does feel a bit better having Webs trapped in a bone-crushing hug, near him in general, or doing anything side by side. Leave him alone.

Nathan Summers - ★★★★★

Relationship: Bodyslide by two.

NATHAAAAN!!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT WIRE MAN!! WHERE'D YOU GO??

Please excuse him. Give him some space. The death of the guy with an unparalleled hero complex wasn't too long ago, y'know.

Attributes

Abilities

• Healing factor
HA! Wade's infamous healing factor! He's like a cockroach, see? He never stays dead, despite how much he wants to.
• Enhanced strength, agility, reflexes, speed, stamina, hearing, sight, equilibrium, and durability
• Increased metabolism and appetite
• Fourth-wall breaking
He doesn't even need Virgil's sixth sense to break the fourth wall!
• Chemical, drug, poison, disease, and alcohol resistance
Say gracias to the healing factor for that.
• Telepathic immunity
Nothing gets in and nothing gets out of Wade's brain when he's not in his right mind. Wade's mind has been described as "confusing" by telepaths, primarily Cable.
• Constant pain
Remember how Francis didn't exactly cure Wade's cancer? Yeah... So, Wade has eternal super cancer his body can't get rid of because his cancer also regenerates. His body is always healing and killing itself, giving him a constant 'hum' of pain and giving him shifting scars.

Equipment

• Bea and Arthur
His beloved twin katanas!!
• An abhorrent amount of weapons
He has a lot of weapons! He's an arms dealer, after all. He mostly carries pistols and knives on his person at all times.
• Pouches
It's better not to ask what's in them or how everything fits.
• Teleporter belt
A genuine teleporter belt! Not those fake ass port holes that just incinerate and clone you. Bamf, bamf, bamf!

Notes

• Deadpool's hands and the bottoms of his boots have paws on them.
• Deadpool has circular eyebrows on his suit (you'll get it once I actually draw a picture of E256B Deadpool's suit).
• Wade's katanas, Bea and Arthur, have serrated blades near their hilts.

Trivia

• Wade's speech bubbles are yellow. They've always been yellow in Marvel licensed media to represent a vague distinction with Wade's voice compared to other characters. Wade's voice is sometimes described as having a 'gravelly, Demi Moore', gasoline-like, or rumbly qualities. These still apply. Earth-256B Wade's voice is distinct due to his mangled vocal cords, making his voice strained, rough, and gravelly.
• He does NOT stalk (and maybe kidnap) those he loves or wants to befriend! The allegations are false!! Don't ask Blind Al for her input, bee tee dubs.
• Wade's body is extremely warm all of the time, regardless of outside temperature, due to his healing factor working 25/8. He's a large walking furnace.
• Wade's pain tolerance levels varies on his mental state. A better mental state (having genuine friends, being healthy, etc.) results in a lower pain tolerance and vice versa. Wade can endure even the worst of physical and mental traumas with glee if he's dissociated and shitty enough. This is why he's been able to do his line of work for so long!
• The visibility of his pupils also depend on his mental state.
• It's speculated among civilians that Web-Surfer and Deadpool are romantically involved or at least really good friends. Deadpool leans into this to boost publicity and Web-Surfer vehemently denies it.
• Deadpool forces Web-Surfer to dress up in My Little Pony hoodies with him, mostly in their suits for publicity. Deadpool is Pinkie Pie and Web-Surfer is Twilight Sparkle.
• Wade's a scarily good merc. It often surprises people with how precise he is with his work... when he's not being insane or annoying.

Gallery